What If I Fail?

Do not follow
where the path may lead.
Go instead where there is
no path and leave a trail.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson~

The one thing that holds me back most often is the fear of FAILING.

I hate that word!

I’m a perfectionist. That should almost be completely self-explanatory. I fight that nagging voice all the time that tells me I must be perfect. I can’t be perfect!

I try to make up for it in the things I do well and usually go way overboard. I’ve gotten better, but in the past…

Vacuuming the house once a week would have been sufficient, but I vacuumed EVERY DAY. I also dusted the furniture, cleaned the bathroom, etc. EVERY DAY. I didn’t want any fuzzies (dust) to be anywhere. If Miss White Glove came by to give my home a test, I wanted to pass.

That’s obsessive.

It is also a waste of time.

I was a slave to doing chores.

Needless chores.

Pointless chores!

A large portion of this obsessiveness was based on my upbringing and generational obsessions.

The other part was simply my personality.

I don’t know why all the women in my family acted this way.

Now I see it as a sickness.

I hope my grandmother doesn’t haunt me tonight for saying that she was sick…BUT SHE WAS SICK!

It took years for me to break those habits.

I forged ahead down paths unknown and listened to ridicule for having a dirty house.

HELLO! My house wasn’t dirty nor am I a failure just because I stopped vacuuming every day.

It was hard though to go against all that programming in my head and the upturned noses of the “sick” people…Now that sounds funny!

I’m proud to say I broke the habit.

Habits CAN BE broken.

See your goal, go where there is no path and make a trail.

…And ignore the “sick” people.

…My mother and sister aren’t “sick” any more either.